An Amethyst Remembrance - 19, 23~25 Aug 2017

Post by: Silas

August, the most climactic point of this year. With an exception of my IGCSE exams, which is next year, I feel very much accomplished. There were two significant events that happened in the middle of August - my school's graduation ceremony and the annual camp. It was as if everything that we worked for had paid off. The emotions I felt were inexplicably ecstatic. 

First off is the graduation ceremony. After our performance last year, which went rather well, I was quite enthusiastic for the next one. However, I felt demotivated because the person that I looked up to when it comes to things like this was not around. So, I wasn't very keen to perform in this year's drama. 

But, I had to. I didn't want to leave my class hanging behind just because of my selfishness. So, I pushed on. Although the road was very discouraging - I have faced many obstacles in getting the team together on the same page. It was hard to bring the team together with my inexperience and limited support. But I continued to act against myself and pushed on. It's impossible to do so without constantly seeking the Lord. I realized that if we're focused on God, following where He leads us, we can overcome the obstacles that come.

After the ceremony, everyone did exceptionally well. We put on our best show and gave our all. I felt that the hard work we put into nurturing the seed we planted had paid off. The seed grew, and now it has fruits. 

I have to admit, it did feel glorious at the end. But in between the start and the end was just simply tumultuous. Many times I entertained the negativity, ending up in a worrisome and complaining spirit. The struggle was in the mind. I have always been too hard on myself, and so full of myself that I didn't give God space in my work. At the end of the day, I learn what it means to

"Pay attention to the Source, and He will look after the outflow"

After the ceremony, I felt the burdens of my heart rolled away. 

Second, is the annual camp. Initially, I didn't want to go. But Mom persuaded me to go, because "I didn't have any reason not to go...". So I went, but in my heart I wanted to relax and forget about the worries of the world. Reality clashed with Expectations, and soon we found ourselves plunging into strenuous activities, both physically and mentally demanding. As a result, I got fed up, and just didn't want to be part of the team. Again due to the time pressure and things that were beyond my control, I grew sour-faced. "Let them figure out themselves the solution. I've had enough of this. I can't take it anymore!" This was my reaction on the first day. Again, the battle was in my mind, but it affected how I spoke to others.

It took me awhile to realize that the problem was me, not my team. Sure, they were being very laidback, but I was too busy looking at the speck in their eyes I didn't realize sooner of the log in mine. So the next day, I allowed God to be in control of my life. The purpose of the camp was to enjoy, and that I did. Even though things did not go the way I wanted, I continued to encourage and encourage. And we did have an enjoyable evening. We learnt the importance of unity, and teamwork. We won't be able to achieve anything in the camp without going through as a team. For me, I understood more or less what it really means to wash other people's feet. Though I'm not entirely there, it had been a great milestone this year.

Looking back at those two events, I realized they both hold similar lessons. Everyone did something they had never thought they would do. I learn to open up with my friends and give my best in what I do. Sadly though, the events are over, and this poem by Emily Dickinson can relate to the emotions I felt: 

The Lost Jewel

I held a jewel in my fingers,

And went to sleep.

The day was warm, and winds were prosy

I said, "T'will keep"

I woke, and chide my honest fingers.

The gem was gone

And now, an amethyst remembrance,

Is all I own.