Quarantine Reflection

Upon returning from America, people have always asked me what I am studying. When I tell them, I always receive a look of amazement or surprise. 

“Wow, so you want to be a pastor?”

I agree that a young kid studying theology as a degree is unheard of in Malaysia, or at least not that I know of. So, naturally people will be curious to know why. I have been facing this simple question ever since I decided to study abroad in Liberty University in America one year ago. 

In hindsight, I think that God has given me a foretaste of what it means to be a minister. Or maybe it was just a season of growth in my Christian faith. Whichever it may be, I realized that the first year at Liberty He placed in me a burden for the lost and a confidence to reach out to them. Although I did ministry work in Scripture Union prior, it was merely a fun job then where I understood the gospel and develop skills to present it. But only when I started leading evangelism trips around Lynchburg and witnessing to my secondary school friends during the pandemic did I come to understand that soul winning is not some activity where you present the gospel and expect the person to convert. It took me a while to see these people as people, not projects to be experimented on with different gospel-sharing methods. And from there sprung out a burden in me for the people in Malaysia, as if I have returned with a new pair of eyes. People walking down the streets or sitting in the plane became more than just strangers, but opportunities to bear witness to the good news, be it in my attitude or proclamation to lost souls. Although I did not take advantage of such opportunities as often as I would like, the outside world brings forth unexpected adventures for me.

Ever since the movement control order was in effect in Malaysia, I did not leave the house very often. However, I had the opportunity to grow with the church I attended in understanding God’s Word through many bible studies on Zoom. We got to know each other’s lives better, our struggles and victories throughout the week. I realized that the pursuit of knowing God has brought meaning and purpose into my life. In fact, this has been the most meaningful break I have ever had at home with my family. Past interests have come and go, but this passion seemed to be growing as time passed. In addition, I had the privilege to speak on one of the Sundays. But it came to a point where I experienced what I call as an intellectual burnout, which basically means too much input of knowledge until nothing more can be processed into the mind. I was in danger of treating God as a subject instead of a Person. But it was a big lesson to learn and experience, that knowing God is not just gaining as much knowledge as one can about Him. Rather, knowing Him is a journey where one ponders on the truths of God, allowing it to impact one’s life and conduct. These truths of God in turn renews our mindset or attitude to be more Christ-like.

Now even as I have returned to America for my second year of school, I wonder why God would allow me to return to a high-risk country. I am once again very far away from my comfort zone as I write, physically and socially. However, I am curious as to see what fruits I will bear from the past season of growing.