Package Deal

Today is a mixed day. This day we celebrate J’s first taste of virtual working life, B’s last day of online Year 10 study and we are saddened that S is Covid positive in the USA. On the bigger picture, our nation has a change of Prime Minister, again, in the midst of another record day of Covid numbers. Motherhood is a package deal – a mother’s pain and regrets, a mother’s joy and happiness. Becoming a mother means also I’ve lost myself to motherhood, and there’s so much in my mind that family comes first, children’s wellbeing comes first and we mothers live for another, and not ourselves.

Being able to raise and watch our children grow is a privilege. I am so proud of every milestone in their lives, and able to witness their growth means so much to me. I have many regrets as a mom – what I did and didn’t do. There is no manual, training or education to prepare us to be a mother, and we all have regrets, because we are fallen mothers. 

Motherhood is indeed a self-discovery journey where our Heavenly Father reveals to me my disposition, and convince me how much I need to depend on Him and keep my eyes on Jesus Christ. I have my fair share of blame, shame and guilt. The way I act or react, what I struggle with, what triggers me, what drives my actions and what makes me most vulnerable. 


There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins

And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains

The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day

And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its pow’r

Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more

E’er since by faith I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply

Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die

When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave

Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy pow’r to save

Yet His Redeeming Love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

I have asked God many times, how is it just and fair to judge a person with infirmities in the same manner as the one without such infirmities. If we see an autistic child, we’ll usually treat him differently or not judge his misconduct in the same way due to his conditions. But if there is a disability internally yet others cannot see outwardly, will others judge us the same as a person without such disability? After so many, many years of searching, it came to me unexpectedly at this time, that “My grace is sufficient for you.” No wonder that those who are forgiven much, will love much. His grace is endless to forgive my sins as a helpless sinner and redeem me with His love, even though I am prone to wander from His love. His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Al-Attas Garden in Janda Baik - 4 August 2012

Image
Besides being a well-known contentious writer, little do we know that Syed Hussein Alattas is also a self-taught gardener and an architect. He had built Taman Hana in Janda Baik from scratch and named after his wife.  Taman Hana sits on a 8-acre plot of land in the quiet village of Janda Baik. It boasts a collection of 1,000 species of plants including fruit trees, more than 700 big flower pots and five buildings that include the home of the Alattas family.  The good news is that it is open to visitors every day.  As we made our way past the entrance, this place appeared unkempt. It was well beyond its heyday (in 2008) but still showing off its faded beauty. Some parts were badly neglected, which was so unfortunate, because it originally was to be a quiet kampung retreat. A mix of traditional Malay, Peranakan, Indonesian and colonial British architecture and a Minangkabau styled roof. Syed Hussein had actually started building the structures in 1982 and he spent a lot of time
Read more

Spilling the Beans in Ipoh - 6 Apr 2012

Image
Ipoh's familiar specialty - Nga Choy Kai or the Taugeh (Bean Sprouts) Chicken. What else to accompany the poached chicken than the fresh, fat and crunchy Ipoh famous bean sprouts!! The bean sprouts are served blanched, with a dash of sesame oil, white pepper and soy sauce. Ipoh is a well-known food haven in Malaysia, and most will agree that Ipoh's bean sprout is the best in Malaysia. The premium-grade bean sprouts come from the Buntong New Village, which is also my husband's hometown. Growing bean sprout requires only water and more importantly, watering techniques. Madam Toon told us that there were at least 8 operators in Buntong. They were all family-owned businesses, and the three Toon brothers have been growing bean sprouts for more than 70 years.  Bean sprouts are grown from black mung beans imported from Myanmar. The beans need to be watered every 4 hours throughout the day for 5 days, no shortcut, otherwise they will be not be fat and juicy. At
Read more

A Potter Village in Sayong - 30 May 2013

Image
Pit Stop at the Perak royal town, Kuala Kangsar. The 1st rubber tree in Malaysia was planted in this town. That's about all I knew about this place. Labu Sayong or water pitcher from Sayong village, known for its health value to help migraine, lower blood pressure etc due to the special properties inherent in the local clay. Before this, we didn't know much of labu sayong.  We didn't go to the village or plan this visit. Out of curiousity, we bumped into this unassuming workshop at No. 3, Kg Setia, Enggor, run by Mohd bin Harun.  Pakcik was very open and gave us a tour of his workshop and how he makes labu sayong. His warm, friendly welcoming people made a lasting impression on all of us - a trait that we've lost in the big cities. The traditional way of making labu sayong uses hands to mould the clay into the shape of a 'labu' (gourd-like vase) but this is too slow. Now, the clay mixture is poured into standard mould blocks. It's
Read more